Do children infer a lot about their social status?

I work with kids from affluent to deprived families.

In class, that rambunctious, annoying little boy, sitting cross-legged, all happy and distracting his colleagues, probably undiagnosed ADHD, with a “bad attitude to learning”, not a part of his body sitting still like “the good girls” and “the good boys”. His eyes are sparkly, fingers fiddling with a pen, a piece of small paper, some blue tack, you name it. He is told off so many times, but all water on a duck’s back for him; the projected disapproval is not touching his spirit. It’s so annoying from a classroom management point of view! Even his feet are tapping, and he wriggles his toes in his shoes. 

As he sits cross-legged, like everyone else, I cast a “teacher’s eye” at the class, and many fall into conformity, for they are “seen” and readjusting their behaviour. This little guy looks at me, smiling, but does not get the message. His mates (for he is their pack leader for being “funny” and subversive to the teachers) are watching him wide-eyed and entranced, ready for a show of telling-off shot at him and him washing it off him as if nothing happened. They think everything this kid does is hilarious.

That’s annoying, right? Talk to his parents about it; even “threaten” him with that.

But yeah, he is wriggling his toes, sitting cross-legged. As I am on the left side of the class, I see the sole of his right foot as he is sitting cross-legged. There is something lighter in colour, white, seemingly stuck on the dark rubber sole of his shoe. Surely, some chewing gum, or blue-tack. But I look closer, without kids noticing; I glance subtly: it is not chewing gum.. nor blue-tack.. nor stuck food, or bird poo. It is something more harrowing: The black rubber sole of his shoe has worn so thin that there is a hole through which I can see his white (now greyish) sock, and I can also glimpse the skin of his foot, as this boy is wriggling his foot and bending it so much, that the hole widens at times. The sock has a hole in it. 

My heart sinks. My visual memory is good; I know these have been his school shoes for at least the last eight weeks. That hole was not caused accidentally (no cut or sharp damage), but the rubber had been wearing so thin that nobody, not even the boy, noticed.

Do you think he notices when he puts on his shoes every morning and tells his mum, dad, or caregivers? He is so happy-go-lucky and playful that maybe he never notices.

Do you think he noticed his foot getting wet in the past warm, soggy, spring-wet days? Is he used to it? Did he tell his caregivers? If he did, what did they say to him? Do you think he didn’t tell anyone because he may not be uncomfortable, or does he believe it is normal?

This is a kid I know by sight from one of the local parks. For about seven years, I, as a mum, took my kids out to the park. He is one of the staple subscribers to the park during holidays. 

He is so happy.

Do you think he goes anywhere on holiday? Abroad? Out of London? To a zoo, hotel, or beach? In an aeroplane?

At the same time, I glance over the class with these ideas in mind. I skim over the kids who told me during our little chats that they have been to Disneyland, Legoland, Iceland, Cotswold, etc. Their shoes are polished, with velcro straps, and their haircuts and hairstyles are neat. They are as adorable as this rambunctious boy, anxious and excited to navigate and make meaning of the day at school. Most of them, generally, are obedient, well-behaved in class, well-spoken, and polite. Some of them have a smile in the corner of their mouth when this rambunctious little boy does his antics in the class. But not all. “It is not the right thing to do”, as Miss or Sir keeps telling them. 

On the playground, they all play together, navigating from group to group, running, kicking a ball, falling out and making friends again. 

I wonder if when they are teenagers, all things the same, they will still hang out together, having things in common. 

I wonder when it will hit all these children that some come from a more affluent economic status than others. What will that information do to the psyche of this now rambunctious little boy? What defence mechanisms will he employ? Will it be determination, grit, and resilience to overcome this status, or despondency and “otherness” with his clan of similar “status” peers? 

Of course, my prompting here is designed to air out the sobering truth, for we all know the answers.

But I also wonder: Is it my citizenship responsibility to think about and see what I can do for these children (apart from pity parties of donating clothes and sending well-being wishes), or am I perfectly within my rights to just carry my “cross” and worry about my offspring and not load my mind with the world’s troubles? 

I am asking these questions out loud because, in the past, I just never noticed such things. Being so busy and yes, overwhelmed, as parents’ lives are full always, why would I burden myself with the wrongs of the world? After all, I was stressed out to the maximum that my Asperger boy had a very stressful morning, and he was late for school. I really wanted to catch the teacher before the class and tell them that Little Pea is unregulated today because of the transition from holidays to school. He is so jet-lagged as we only landed 48 hours ago from our Maldives holiday.